MAE WEST:
[Asked
if she ever met a man who could make her happy:]
Sure,
lots of times.
[She
asked a man how tall he was. He replied, “6’7”.”]
Let’s
forget about the six feet and talk about the seven inches.
A
hard man is good to find.
A
man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
A
man in the house is worth two in the street.
A
man’s kiss is his signature.
An
ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Anything
worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Don’t
marry a man to reform him – that’s what reform schools are for.
Give
a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
Good
sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d
better have a good hand.
He
who hesitates is a damned fool.
He’s
the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
I
avoid temptation at all costs; unless, of course, I cannot resist it!
I
believe in censorship.
After
all, I made a fortune out of it!
I
like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far.
I
never loved another person the way I loved myself.
I
never worry about diets.
The
only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.
I
only have “yes” men around me.
Who
needs “no” men?
I
used to be Snow White but I drifted!
I
wouldn’t even lift my veil for that guy.
I
wouldn’t let him touch me, even with a ten-foot pole.
I’ll
try anything one, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
If
I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the meaning.
Is
that a gun in your pocket or are you glad to see me?!
It
ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just as long as you don’t break any.
It’s
better to be looked over than overlooked.
It’s
hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
It’s
not the men in your life that count, it’s the life in my men.
It’s
not what I do, but the way I do it.
It’s
not what I say, but the way I say it.
Keep
a diary and someday it’ll keep you.
One
and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.
Save
a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.
Say
what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of sins.
Sex
is emotion in motion.
She’s
the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Ten
men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I’m tired.
The
curve is more powerful than the sword.
To
err is human, but it feels divine.
Too
much of a good thing can be taxing.
Too
much of a good thing can be wonderful.
Virtue
has its own reward but no sale at the box office.
When caught between two evils, I generally try the one I’ve never tried before!
When
I’m good, I’m very good; but when I’m bad, I’m better!
You
only live once; but if you do it right, once is enough!