Make your own free website on Tripod.com

THE OLD MOVIE MAVEN . . . The Website

dorothyparker.jpg

Home
CONTACT US
A TRIBUTE TO OUR MILITARY
A CAST OF CHARACTERS
A CALENDER OF MOVIES: What to Watch When
A CALENDAR OF MOVIES: Christmas - "The King of Kings" (1927)
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
ABBOTT & COSTELLO
AMERICAN CLASSIC MOVIES INTRODUCTIONS
ANIMALS AND THE MOVIES
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Sets
ARCITECTURE: Ancient Egypt
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Bernheimer Residence
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: The Ennis-Brown House
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Evan Thompson's Bottle House
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Greystone Manor
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: The Hearst Castle
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: The Hollywood Sign
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Homes of the Stars
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Jean Harlow
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Maps and Floor Plans
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Pickfair
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: The Rispin Mansion
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Royal Hawaiian Hotel
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Scotty's Castle
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Shelby House
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: West Hollywood Historical Association
ARCHITECTURE IN HOLLYWOOD: Whimsy
ARCHIVES: VOLUME 1
ARCHIVES: VOLUME 2
ARCHIVES: VOLUME 3
ASSORTED SHORT CLIPS
"B" MOVIES
B - MOVIES: Serials
B - MOVIES: Series
B - MOVIES: Television Series
THE BARRYMORE FAMILY
BIOGRAPHIES
BLOOPERS
BOBBY "BORIS" PICKETT
BUSTER KEATON
CARLA LAEMMLE
CARTOONS
CHARLIE CHAN ANNEX
CHARLIE CHAN: Asian Actors in Hollywood
CHARLIE CHAN: Bloopers & Bonus Questions
CHARLIE CHAN: The Books and Their Movies!
CHARLIE CHAN: Chang Apana
CHARLIE CHAN: Charlie's Sons
CHARLIE CHAN: Chemicals
CHARLIE CHAN: Chronology
CHARLIE CHAN: Criminal?!?!*
CHARLIE CHAN: Extras
CHARLIE CHAN: Gilbert Martines and Chang Apana
CHARLIE CHAN: Hawaii Steve
CHARLIE CHAN: Maps
CHARLIE CHAN: Maven and Rush Glick's Interview in . . . "Monster Bash"!
CHARLIE CHAN: Movie Eras
CHARLIE CHAN: Movie Notes
CHARLIE CHAN: Murder Rate
CHARLIE CHAN: On The Town
CHARLIE CHAN: Puzzles and Quizzes
CHARLIE CHAN: Quiz and Puzzle Answers
CHARLIE CHAN: Radio Shows
CHARLIE CHAN: Spookies
CHARLIE CHAN: Transportation
CHARLIE CHAN: Weather
CHILDREN'S CORNER
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Holiday Crafts
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Boats and Planes and More
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Paper Dolls
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Fun Stuff to Read
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Boys' Town
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Colleen Moore's Castle
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Judy Bolton
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Nancy Drew
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Nancy Drew (For Older Fans!)
CHILDREN'S CORNER: Shirley Temple
COMEDIANS
COPPER CAPERS: FBI's and CIA's!
COSTUME DESIGNERS
DASHIELL HAMMETT
ETTA KIT
FASHIONS IN FILM
FILM NOIR
FOOD CENTRAL
FOREIGN FILMS
GENRES
GINGER ROGERS
HALLOWEEN FUN!
HALLOWEEN 2011: Movies to Watch
HALLOWEEN RECIPES
HAROLD LLOYD
HAUNTS: Hollywood and Elsewhere
HAUNTS: Winchester House
HISTORY: Hollywood and Elsewhere
HOLLYWOOD'S SCANDALS AND CRIMES
HOLLYWOOD'S . . . CRIME: Greystone Mansion Murder
HOLLYWOOD'S . . . Crime: Jean Harlow and Paul Bern's Muder?
HOLLYWOOD'S . . . CRIME: Tate/LaBianca Murders
HOLLYWOOD'S . . .CRIME: William Desmond Taylor Murder
HOLLYWOOD'S MARRY-GO-ROUNDS
HORROR - SCIENCE FICTION
HORROR - SCI FI: Annex
HORROR - SCI FI: The Atomic Submarine (1959)
HORROR - SCI FI: Bela Lugosi
HORROR - SCI FI: Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi
HORROR - SCI FI: Boris Karloff
HORROR - SCI FI: Dracula (1931)
HORROR - SCI FI: Frankenstein (1931)
HORROR - SCI FI: Gojira (1954) & Godzilla (1957)
HORROR - SCI FI: Invaders from Mars (1954)
HORROR - SCI FI: King Kong
HORROR - SCI FI: Lon Chaney
HORROR - SCI FI: Nifty Fifty's Creature Features
HORROR - SCI FI: Nightmare Theatre with Gorgon
HORROR - SCI FI: Ray Harryhausen
HORROR - SCI FI: Stephen King
HORROR - SCI FI: Universal Studios
HORROR - SCI FI: Universal Monster Genealogy
HORROR - SCI FI: Wes Davis
HORROR - SCI FI: The Witch's Dungeon
HOLLYWOOD SQUARES
HUSTON FAMILY
I LOVE LUCY
INTERVIEWS
JOHN WAYNE
JONATHAN GEFFNER
JOSEPHINE BAKER
KAY LINAKER
LEI MAKING
LOCATIONS
MDs - RNs - RNBs - OH MY!
M.D.S . . . - The Crime Doctor Series
MAGIC IN MOVIES
MAKEUP ARTISTS
MAKEUP ARTISTS: The Westmore Family
MARX BROTHERS
MARY ASTOR
MARY PICKFORD AND DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS
MAVEN'S LIBRARY
MAVEN'S WEBSITES TO CHECK OUT
MUSIC
MUSIC: Dancers
MUSIC: The Lyrics
MYSTERIES
MYSTERIES: A Warning For Those Who Give Away The Endings!
MYSTERIES: Alfred Hitchcock
MYSTERIES: The Bat
MYSTERIES: D. W. Griffith vs. Mary Roberts Rinehart
MYSTERIES: Gum Shoes
MYSTERIES: Old Dark Houses
MYSTERIES: S.S. Van Dine
MYSTERIES: S.S. Van Dine - The Kidnap Murder Case
ORSON WELLES
PERRY MASON
QUIZZES AND PUZZLES
QUIZ ANSWERS
QUOTES From Hollywood
QUOTES From Hollywood Movies
QUOTES From Dorothy Parker
QUOTES Dorothy Parkers' "The Waltz"
RADIO SHOWS: Vintage Series
RECIPES OF THE WEEK
RECIPES OF THE WEEK: More about the Recipes
RECIPES OF THE WEEK: A Rejuvenating Diet
REVIEWS
REVIEWS - Mini Mavens
RONALD REAGAN
RUDOLPH VALENTINO
SEX IN THE CINEMA
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
SILENT MOVIES
TAYLOR SCHULTZ: Hollywood Sculptor
TRANSPORTATION IN THE MOVIES: Aviation
VINCENT PRICE
VINCENT PRICE: Connoisseur
WHAT'S MY LINE?
THE WHISTLER
THE WIZARD OF OZ (1939)
     Dorothy Parker had an incredible career in print, on Broadway and in Hollywood and was one of the mainstays of the fabled Algonquin Round Table (http://www.algonquinroundtable.org/)
     There is also a society to continue Parker's legacy at http://www.dorothyparker.com/index.html.
     She has quite a listing in the Internet Movie Database at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0662213/.
 
     And be sure to check out these links:
 
 

The Witticisms of Dorothy Parker

 

A long-standing feud between two famous wits, Clare Booth Luce and Dorothy

Parker, was illustrated one evening when both met at the door of a nightclub.  

Luce motioned parker through with "Age before beauty." 

Parker retorted with "And pearls before swine."

 

*********************************************************************

 

Florence King:  "Fear of being called a castrating female makes the majority of women rein themselves in and blunt their remarks lest they say to a man, as Dorothy Parker did,

‘With the crown of thorns that I wear, why should I worry about a little prick like you?’"

 

*********************************************************************

 

Robert Benchley and Ms. Parker shared an office early in their careers and supposedly shared a cable address, "Parkbench."

 

**********************************************************************

A favorite game of Dorothy Parker's Algonquin Group was to challenge a member to use in a sentence.   For instance:  Parker was given "horticulture." 

Her sentence?  "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

 

**********************************************************************

 

After an abortion, Parker told a friend, "That's what I get for putting all my eggs in one bastard."

 

**********************************************************************

 

At a dinner party (probably at the Algonquin Hotel), a man excused himself from the table saying that he had to use the restroom.  When he was safely out of earshot, Parker said, "He really had to use the telephone but was just too embarrassed to say so!"

 

**********************************************************************

 

Dorothy Parker was know to answer her door muttering, "What fresh hell is this?"

 

**********************************************************************

 

Ms. Parker is supposed to have had an office that had very little traffic until she had the word "Gentlemen" put on her door.

 

*************************************************************************

A girl's best friend is her mutter.

 

 

How could I possibly overthrow the government when I can't even keep my dog down?

 

 

I require only three things of a man.  He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

 

 

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and to let the air out of the tires.

 

 BOHEMIA

 

Authors and actors and artists and such

Never know nothing and never know much.

Sculptors and singers and those of their kidney,

Tell their affairs from Seattle to Sydney.

Playwrights and poets and such horse's necks

Start off from anywhere, end up at sex.

Diarists, critics, and similar roe

Never say nothing and never say no.

People Who Do Things exceed my endurances;

God, for a man that solicits insurance.

 

Coda

 

There's little in taking or giving,

    There's little in water or wine;

This living, this living, this living,

    Was never a project of mine.

Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is

    The gain of the one at the top.

For art is a form of catharsis,

    And love is a permanent flop,

And work is the province of cattle,

    And rest's for a clam in a shell,

So I'm thinking of throwing the battle--

    Would you kindly direct me to hell?

 

 COMMENT

 

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

A medley of extemporanea;

And love is a thing that can never go wrong,

And I am Marie of Romania.

 

DE PROFUNDIS

 

Oh, is it, then, utopian

To hope that I may meet a man

Who'll not relate, in accents suave,

The tales of girls he used to have?

 

EXPERIENCE

 

Some men break your heart in two,

     Some men fawn and flatter.

Some men never look at you;

     And that cleans up the matter.

 

EPIGRAMS

 

Alexander Dumas and His Son: 

Although I work and seldom cease, 

at Dumas pere and Dumas fils,

Alas, I cannot make me care

for Dumas fils and Dumas pere.

 

Charles Dickens:

Who call him spurious and shoddy

Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.

I heartily invite such birds

To come outside and say these words!

 

George Sands: 

What time the gifted lady took

Away from papers, pen, and ink,

She spent in amorous dalliance

(They do these things so well in France.)

 

Oscar Wilde: 

If, with the literti, I am

Impelled to try an epigram,

I never seek to take the credit.

We all assume that Oscar said it.

 

FAUTE de MIEUX

 

Travel, trouble, music, art,

     A kiss, a frock, a rhyme-

I never said they feed my heart,

     But still they pass my time.

 

FIGHTING WORDS

 

Say my love is easy had,

     Say I'm bitten raw with pride,

Say I am too often sad--

     Still behold me at your side.

 

Say I'm neither brave nor young,

     Say I woo and coddle care,

Say the devil touched my tongue--

     Still you have my heart to wear.

 

But say my verses do not scan,

     And I get me another Man!

 

THE FLAW IN PAGANISM

 

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,

     Love, the reeling midnight through,

For tomorrow we shall die!

     (But, alas, we never do!)

 

FRUSTRATION

 

If I had a shiny gun,

I could have a world of fun

Speeding bullets through the brains

of the folks who give me pains;

 

Or had I some poison gas,

I could make the moments pass

Bumping off a number of

People whom I do not love.

 

But I have no lethal weapon~~

Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!

So they still are quick and well

Who should be, by rights, in hell.

 

GENERAL REVIEW OF THE SEX SITUATION

 

Woman wants monogamy;

Man delights in novelty.

Love is woman's moon and sun;

Man has other forms of fun.

Woman lives but in her lord;

Count to ten, and man is bored.

With this the gist and sum of it,

What earthly good can come of it?

 

GODSPEED 

 

Oh, see, my love, your newer way;

     I'll not be left in sorrow.

So long as I have yesterday,

     Go take your damned tomorrow!

 

INDIAN SUMMER

 

In youth, it was a way I had

     To do my best to please,

And change, with every passing lad,

     To suit his theories.

 

But now I know the things I know,

     And do the things I do;

And if you do not like me so,

     To hell, my love, with you!

 

INTERVIEW

 

The ladies men admire, I've heard,

Would shudder at a wicked word.

Their candle gives a single light;

They'd rather stay at home at night.

They do not keep awake till three.

Nor read erotic poetry.

They never sanction the impure.

Nor recognize an overture.

They shrink from powders and from paints.

So far, I have had no complaints.

 

L’ENVOI

 

Oh, beggar or prince, no more, no more!

     Be off and away with your strut and show.

The sweeter the apple the blacker the core--

     Scratch a lover, and find a foe!

 

L’ENVOI

 

Princes, never I'd give offense,

     Won't you think of me tenderly?

Here's my strength and my weakness, gents--

     I  loved them until they loved me.

 

L’ENVOI

 

Prince, a precept I'd leave for you,

     Coined in Eden, existing yet:

Skirt the parlor, and shun the zoo-

     Women and elephants never forget.

 

 L'ENVOI

 

Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,

Painter or plumber or never-do-well,

Do me a favor and shut your face~~

Poets alone should kiss and tell.

 

MEN

 

They hail you as their morning star

Because you are the way you are.

If you return the sentiment,

They'll try to make you different;

And once they have you, safe and sound,

They want to change you all around.

Your moods and ways they put a curse on;

They'd make of you another person.

They cannot let you go your gait;

They influence and educate.

They'd alter all that they admire.

They make me sick, they make me tired.

 

Neither Bloody Nor Bowed 

 

They say of me, and so they should,

It's doubtful if I come to good.

I see friends and acquaintances

Accumulating dividends,

And making enviable names

In science, art, and parlor games.

But I, despite expert advice,

Keep doing things I think are nice.

And though to good I never come~~

Inseparable my nose and thumb!

 

NEWS ITEM

Men seldom make passes

at girls who wear glasses.

 

Observation 

 

If I don't drive around the park,

I'm pretty sure to make my mark.

If I'm in bed each night by ten,

I might get back my looks again.

If I abstain from fun and such,

I'll probably amount to much:

But I shall stay the way I am

Because I do not give a damn.

 

Philosophy

 

If I should labor through daylight and dark,

     Consecrate, valorous, serious, true,

There on the world I may blazon my mark;

     And what if I don't, and what if I do?

 

Pictures in the Smoke 

 

Oh, gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;

     The second love was water, in a clean white cup;

The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;

     And after that , I always get them all mixed up.

 

Prologue to a Saga

 

Maidens, gather not the yew,

     Leave the glossy myrtle sleeping;

Any lad was born untrue,

     Never a one is fit your weeping.

 

Pretty dears, your tumult cease;

     Love's a fardel, burthening double.

Clear your hearts and have you peace--

     Gangway, girls:  I'll show you trouble!

 

Prophetic Soul 

 

Because your eyes are slant and slow,

     Because your hair is sweet to touch,

My heart is high again; but oh,

     I doubt if this will get me much.

 

Resume 

 

Razors pain you;

Rivers are damp;

Acids stain you;

And drugs cause cramps.

Guns aren't lawful;

Nooses give;

Gas smells awful;

You might as well live.

 

Social Note 

 

Lady, lady, should you meet

One whose ways are all discreet,

One who murmurs that his wife

Is the lodestar of his life,

One who keeps assuring you

That he never was untrue,

Never loved another one . . .

     Lady, lady, better run!

  

Story 

 

"And if he's gone away," said she,

"Good riddance, if you're asking me.

 I'm not a one to lie awake

 And weep for anybody's sake.

 There's better lads than him about!

 I'll wear my buckled slipers out

 A-dancing till the break of day.

 I'm better off with him away!

 And if he never come," said she,

"Now what on earth is that to me?

 I wouldn't have him back!"

       I hope

Her mother washed her mouth with soap.

 

Summary

 

Every love's the love before

     In a duller dress.

That's the measure of my lore--

    Here's my bitterness:

Would I knew a little more,

     Or very much less!

 
SWEET VIOLETS

 

You are brief and frail and blue--

Little sisters, I am, too.

You are Heaven's masterpieces-

Little loves, the likeness ceases.

 

SYMTOM RECITAL

 

I do not like my state of mind;

I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.

I hate my legs, I hate my hands,

I do not yearn for lovelier lands.

I dread the dawn's recurrent light;

I hate to go to bed at night.

I snoot at simple, honest folk.

I cannot take the gentlest joke.

I find no peace in paint or type.

My world is but a lot of tripe.

I'm disillusioned, empty~breasted                 

For what I think, I'd be arrested.

I am not sick, I am not well.

My quandom dreams are shot to hell.

My soul is crushed, my spirit sore;

I do not like me anymore.

I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.

I ponder on the narrow house.

I shudder at the thought of men . . .

I'm due to fall in love again.

 

THEORY

 

Into Love and out again,

     Thus I went, and thus I go.

Spare your voice, and hold your pen--

     Well and bitterly I know

All the songs were ever sung.

     All the words were ever said;

Could it be, when I was young,

     Some one dropped me on my head?

 

THEY PART

 

And if, my friends you'd have it end,

    There's naught to hear or tell,

But need you try to black my eye

    In wishing me farewell?

 

Though I admit an edged wit

    In woe is warranted,

May I be frank? . . . Such words as " . . . "

    Are better left unsaid.

 

There's rosemary for you and me;

    But is it usual, dear,

To hire a man and fill a van

    By way of souvenir.

 

TWO-VOLUME NOVEL

 

The sun's gone dim, and

    The moon's turned black;

For I loved him, and

    He didn't love back.

 

UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCE

 

By the time you swear you're his,

    Shivering and sighing,

And he vows his passion is

    Infinite, undying--

Lady, make a note of this:

    One of you is lying.

 

WORDS OF COMFORT TO BE

SCRATCHED ON A MIRROR

 

Helen of Troy had a wandering glance;

Sappo's restriction was only the sky;

Ninon was ever the chatter of France;

But oh, what a good girl am I!